Pdf download social skills guidebook

Designed for highschoolers with social communication problems, this book encourages students to examine photographs of social interations and determine the most appropriate responses. If you want a guide to social success written by someone that gets what it's like to be a gamer, this is your book. It's getting more and more common nowadays due to the increased amount spent online.

Remember that this is like any skill. In this book Jason Dyer will teach you: 7 techniques to increase self-esteem How to use eye contact to analyze anyone The practical principles of non-verbal language Body Language Overcoming the fear that assails us just before a What matters most is to learn and know how to take advantage of each personality type and to fill-up its inadequacies.

With practice, time, and patience, you can create the kind of social life you want for yourself. The Social Skills Guidebook is written by Chris MacLeod, the author of the extensive, well-visited, free site on interpersonal skills Succeed Socially. This book contains all of the site's key advice in a tight, organized, polished package. The Social Skills Guidebook goes into detail about solving the three core areas that hold people back socially: 1 Mental barriers including shyness, social anxiety, and low self-confidence 2 Less developed conversation skills 3 A lack of friends and an unsatisfying social life If you look at the people who are socially comfortable in your school or workplace and want what they have, know that you can achieve social success like theirs without losing yourself in the process.

Open the next page to download PDF. Note : This digital document is brought to you by Phenomny Books. But after the exchange was over you might look back and realize you go nothing out of it. Go in with an overall approach for making conversation The approaches below often come naturally to good conversationalists.

You can use the same strategies more deliberately. You can also switch up broad approaches within a single conversation as it evolves. It comes up again and again, going back to classic books on people skills like How to Win Friends and Influence People.

The idea is primarily to be someone who asks questions and listens to the answers, which leads to focusing the discussion on the other person. Generally focus the conversation on your partner, but not to the point where you share nothing about yourself and become a forgettable nonentity that just helps other people talk.

This approach predisposes you to adopt a positive, friendly frame of mind. Its basic premise implies that everyone is worth talking to if you dig past any preconceptions you may have of them.

This approach is not exactly the same. You take an interest in their interest, ask thoughtful questions, and listen as they tell you about it. At the same time, their effectiveness is sometimes oversold. Approach 3: Figure out what topics you have an easy time talking about, and then try to steer the conversation in that direction Having a conversation about your own interests is considered a more self-centered approach.

However, this strategy may help you organize your thoughts and simplify how you approach an interaction. You just have to be sensitive to other people and take care not to bore them or monopolize the air space. Know how to ask good questions and make good statements To use a common analogy, having a conversation with someone is like working with them to rally a tennis ball back and forth. At the most basic level you can: Ask them a question, which directly calls on them to contribute.

Make a statement of your own, which will hopefully lead them to think of something they want to say in response. What drew you to that field? Then what did you do? Aside from allowing you to get more information, they also show your interest in the other person and let you direct where the conversation will go.

As much as you can, you want to ask open-ended questions rather than easy-to-answer closed- ended ones. Open-ended questions require an answer of a couple of sentences; closed-ended questions can be answered with one or two words. What would you say was the highlight?

Statements A statement could be an answer to a question, an opinion, an observation, some information, or sharing something relevant that happened to you. Rather than saying that you liked a movie, give a few reasons why. Rather than quickly replying that your weekend was fun, mention something you did.

Let your interests, values, and personality show. However, if you give too many, it puts too much pressure on the other person to keep the interaction alive. You can offer your partner plenty of jumping-off points in a meaningful sentence or two. Some types of discussions will naturally feature more questions or statements. Get better at noticing the possible jumping-off points in the statements people make Not everything you say has to directly tie in to the sentence made right before.

However, if you pay attention to what the other person says, their statements can give you a lot of ideas. I stayed in town and went to a concert this weekend. Was the cottage more isolated, or on a busier lake?

The newer models must be way more fun. How was it? What happened? Its most basic form is to ask someone the question they just asked you for example, after telling them about your hobbies, you ask what they do for fun.

Everyone has more topics they can talk about than they think. Even if most of your time is taken up by one activity, you still watch the odd movie, catch bits of the news, or have funny little things happen to you as you go about your day.

You have your unique perspective and opinions on all of them. Instead of censoring yourself too much, just toss out some of the ideas going through your head. Sometimes recalling this point can cause you to freeze in social situations.

If small talk makes you feel impatient, you may hesitate to bring up anything reminiscent of it. More on small talk coming up in Chapter If you do want to switch topics, follow these pointers: If the other person is expecting a reply, give them one first.

If they tell you about their winter holiday, comment on it or tell them about something you did with your own time off. However, some people have a tendency to zone out and disappear into their heads. Group conversations can also be a bit annoying to follow at times, like if many people are talking at once or if the environment is loud. Sometimes it seems easier to give up and not devote your full attention to what the others are saying.

With practice, you can get better at keeping focused during group conversations. If you tend to get distracted by anxious thoughts, Chapters 5 and 6 have suggestions on dealing with that.

A few longer-term approaches for having more things to say in conversations The suggestions above were more tactical and can be used right away. You can also work over a longer period to develop your conversation skills and give yourself more to talk about. Have more experiences and develop your opinions This chapter already argued that even if you think your life is sterile and one-dimensional, you still have much more to say than you think. Try new hobbies. Visit new places.

Eat at a new restaurant. Watch a few episodes of a new show. Listen to a few songs by a new band. Just start small and let it add up. Know facts and details about a range of topics The more knowledge and experiences you have floating around in your head, the easier it is to chat with people. The likelihood increases that they could say something that will spark an interesting contribution from you.

This is a pragmatic piece of advice that you may not feel like using, but it never hurts to be at least somewhat familiar with the things other people tend to be interested in and are likely to bring up.

As practically useful as it is to have a lot of knowledge and experience, it has its limits. No one can be expected to make perfect conversation about every subject on the planet.

Learn to relate to a wider variety of people You may sometimes find it tricky to make conversation with people who have different interests, priorities, and ways of looking at the world. We hardly have anything in common.

Genuinely try to get a sense of why they think the way they do and like the things they like. Your nonverbal communication is putting people off see Chapter You make one of any number of possible mistakes when making conversation see Chapter Finding someone to do this can be tough because many people will be reluctant to be straightforward with you. This is another situation where a professional counselor can be useful. Nothing could be further from the truth. Read on to find out why awkward silences happen and what you can do about them.

Sometimes these lulls occur naturally, simply due to what was being talked about: You and your conversation partner s may have come to the end of a subject, and you both need time to figure out what to say next. With others, no immediate follow-up springs to mind. If someone makes a particularly profound or thought-provoking point, everyone may want to pause and reflect on it for a moment.

Everyone may be in a somewhat tired, distracted, or laid-back mood and decide all at once they just want to relax and not talk for a bit. Handling a few seconds of silence with ease Silences happen. Short silences happen all the time between good friends. If you change topics in an uncomfortable, stilted way, it might be awkward. Depending on why the silence occurred, you can make a casual observation about it before bringing up something new. Be prepared for surprising statements Sometimes you experience a loss for words when the other person says something off-putting or unexpected.

I have no idea how to reply. Knowing you may face unexpected statements can help you respond better to them. Rather than beginning to panic because an awkward silence may be imminent, you can use a few fall- back responses. You could quickly acknowledge their opinion and change the subject. Or you could adopt a curious stance and question them about it.

Take the opportunity to exit the conversation If you were planning on ending the conversation soon anyway, a quick silence can provide the opportunity to get going.

Be careful, though, because bailing from conversations early too often can become a bad habit that reinforces avoidance behavior and prevents you from practicing how to recover from a lull and carry on. The first stage of a conversation is obviously to start it. The two substages to starting conversations The beginnings of conversations have two parts, which often flow into each other. The first is for one person to say something to the other to initiate the interaction.

Other openers can potentially lead to a full conversation for example, going up to someone wearing a T-shirt of your favorite band and asking how they liked the latest album. After that, you may continue to talk for hours about any number of issues, or you may each have to run after five minutes, but still leave the conversation feeling you had a nice chat.

Your conversation starter may lead to an area you and the other person have in common. Or after initiating the conversation with another opening line, the first thing you think to ask about after that hits the mark.

Things to keep in mind about initiating a conversation Technically, initiating a conversation is simple. However, your nerves may mislead you into seeing the task as more tricky and complicated than it is. Things to keep in mind about getting through the first few minutes of conversation There are good and bad sides to the first few minutes of an interaction. If you can get past that point, the rest of the conversation is usually easier. In a few minutes, everyone may be feeling more comfortable and have found something fun to talk about.

Sometimes a conversation you start may peter out soon after it begins. Knowing this takes some of the pressure away. Every time you talk to someone, realize that they may be preoccupied, have nothing in common with you, or be too shy to think of anything to say. Rather than panicking and blaming yourself, keep your cool and move on. Chapter 13 covers how to end conversations.

In more formal settings, like a career networking event, you should be a little more reserved and mannered. Talking to strangers in public places during the day is on the other end of the spectrum. Some people are open to talking, but others are going about their day and have other priorities. Read their body language for clues about how open they may be to interacting with you see Chapter If they seem really preoccupied and closed off, it may be better to leave them alone.

You need to respect that they may initially be wary and not know what you want from them or not be in the mood to talk. Public places where people go specifically to socialize, like nightclubs, fall in between.

Examples of types of conversation openers and early things to talk about The following pages list several ways to initiate a one-on-one conversation and to try to find a good topic during its first few minutes.

The two are together because many lines can pull double duty. Always have at least a few lines or topics ready to go. Of all the ways to start a conversation, this is the one where people use white lies the most. Ask them to do something simple for you For example, you could ask if they could save your chair while you get up for a second, if they have a lighter, or if they want to exchange email addresses so you can send each other your notes if one of you misses a class.

The person looks friendly and like they want to talk to you. Lines that can be used to initiate a conversation or a few minutes in to try to keep it going Some lines serve double duty. You can use them to initiate a conversation, or you can use them to keep a conversation going when it stalls or you finish talking about a topic. With that in mind, ask an opening question that is built in to your common situation. Did the prof hand out a course outline?

What cities were you visiting before? Where did you get it? How many? Girls or boys? Do you know Carmen and Justin? What did you think of it? I just handed in my last paper for this semester. Has she gotten over her cold yet? This suggestion is overrated. Give a good, full response to whatever their opening question or statement is.

Possibly end your reply by asking a question of your own. Ask general questions and make broad statements that take the discussion in that ever- important mutually interesting direction. For example, you ask someone about their summer, and they mention working a part-time job, attending a wedding, and visiting Europe. You have a lot to say about traveling, so you choose to ask them about their trip or mention your trip to Spain.

Do most of the talking until the other person gets more comfortable again, this is a more advanced skill. Rather than ask them more questions, you bring up your own job and tell a quick, funny story about something that happened to you at work.

That gives them time to collect themselves. Once they get more comfortable and familiar with each other, they may click and start having a closer or deeper interactions. They may start sharing more personal, intimate information or really explore a philosophical subject. When you are able to comfortably have deeper, more intimate conversations, your interactions with people can become even more rewarding.

Asking and answering common questions sometimes has a rote, uninspired feeling to it. This is one type of the dreaded small talk that many people say they dislike. A few lines of questioning may be repetitive and go nowhere, but the next one might be interesting. It gives you some safe, predictable, low-mental-energy topics to draw on. Small talk gives you a platform to show what kind of person you are, aside from the things you like to discuss. Many people expect to start a conversation with some neutral small talk, so if you try too hard to barrel past it, you may seem like you lack social savvy.

Whether a conversation feels like small talk also depends on its context. This type of small talk also has some justifications: It allows you to socialize with people for its own sake, show your interest in them, and maintain your relationship.

Some quick talk about the local news is better than nothing. It can keep relationships primed for more substantial socializing down the road. Maybe you make small talk with a neighbor in your dorm when you run into each other while getting your mail. Sometimes people truly want to chat about fluffy topics. Ways to move past routine small talk Small talk is always going to be a part of conversations.

The way out of it is through it. Try not to simply see small talk as a deal breaker or an ordeal to endure.

Reframe it as the opening round of a potentially good conversation. How about you? Have any outdoorsy plans this weekend? Connecting in conversations Conversations feel closer when you connect with the other person. Who we connect with is unpredictable. However, you can work on certain things that can increase the chances of possible connections happening: Have your basic conversation skills and self-presentation at a reasonable level.

Actually want to get to know and connect with people. If they found and talked to more people in their niche, the connections would come a lot more easily.

Draw attention to any unique commonalities you share with the other person. Me too. Be comfortable letting people know you like them. Get used to telling new friends you find them interesting to talk to or letting yourself show a warm smile when you see them.

Be comfortable with self-disclosure. The next section has advice on how and when to self-disclose appropriately. People are generally comfortable sharing this information with anyone.

Somewhat personal topics include your milder insecurities, flaws, and doubts; your somewhat odder quirks; your mildly embarrassing or slightly emotionally heavy past experiences; your somewhat more controversial thoughts and humor; and your less conventional, more ambitious future goals.

They may get to this point in a conversation within a few minutes. In their day-to-day lives, most people only share these secrets with a select handful of very close, trustworthy friends. Overall, disclosing your emotions is seen as more vulnerable and revealing than sharing factual information. For example, telling someone that being constantly criticized by your parents made you feel sad and worthless will create more intimacy than just mentioning your mom was hard on you.

The person who opened up may feel unfulfilled, rebuffed, and perhaps a little unfairly exposed. Self-disclosure fosters intimacy, but sharing too much too soon puts people off. It puts them in an awkward spot. If someone barely knows you, they may not be ready to do that work yet, but feel obligated because you sprung it on them.

Many people see early oversharing as a red flag that someone will be needy and draining in the relationship. It also communicates that you lack the common sense to be choosy about whom you share your private life with.

Being overly guarded and secretive Oversharing is a faux pas, but some shyer, less secure people lean in the opposite direction and are guarded and secretive beyond a regular, sensible level. Recognize any of these? You see your social issues, like a lack of friends or dating experience, as shameful failures that you must hide at all costs.

You may be reluctant to talk about safe, surface-level subjects like what kind of music you like. Being overly guarded, for whatever reason, is a self-defeating strategy. Ironically, secretiveness can create more problems than it helps avoid. How to become less guarded and open up to people You can find ways to be less guarded and more open with people.

First, change your attitude about what it means to reveal your flaws. Similarly, you may think that the way to be liked is to come across as flawless and impressive.

Actually, the opposite is true. When you reveal your vulnerabilities and rough edges, you seem endearingly human. When you act like you have no flaws, you become distant and unrelatable. Many secrets are only shameful and embarrassing if you feel they are.

Being at ease with your flaws creates a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. Start by making milder disclosures to strangers or people like therapists or support-line workers who have to hold the information in confidence. Slowly work up to sharing bigger pieces of yourself with people who are more important to you. A common complaint from more intellectual types is that they have a hard time getting people to have these kinds of interesting, meaningful conversations.

All you can do is try to take your interactions in an intellectually deeper direction by bringing up the more cerebral ideas or topics you want to talk about.

After that, it all depends on whether anyone else bites. If you want to have more brainy conversations, the easiest way to do that is to find some similarly minded friends. This chapter gives you some options for doing that. Considering time limits to conversations A general principle first: You can make ending many of your conversations a lot simpler if you go into them with an understanding of approximately how long you can talk so you can smoothly wind them down when the time comes.

Many conversations are open-ended in length, but in the following situations, the other person may need to get going after about five minutes. Dragging out the end of the conversation can make it feel more awkward. Good talking to you. I have to finish this shopping before I pick up my kids. Start angling your body away from them and perhaps toward something you need to get back to. For example, start to photocopy your documents or resume shopping.

Introduce the person to someone else, or bring them along as you join another conversation This is a party tactic. If you join another discussion, the conversation you were having with the original person naturally dissolves. If you do the introduction move, be subtle and genuine about pulling it off. The other person should figure out your intentions.

On a bus or plane, you can always pretend to take a nap as well. You can sometimes do the same thing at your job. If a bunch of coworkers are sitting around on break at a table where many people are coming and going, you can join them for a bit, then just get up when you have to go back to work. They just want to end the conversation in a friendly way, and bringing up the possibility of future plans is a way to do that. With these people, you need to be more assertive in interrupting them so you can announce you need to get going.

If you can, wait for even the smallest pause in their story or explanation, then jump on your chance. They forced your hand through their own mistakes. You have to be able to chip in to the larger discussion. Their energy levels can vary because there are more people to influence it.

One-on-one conversations are mostly conducted at a low-key level, but group discussions can range from calm and orderly to excited and rowdy. Unless every member in the group is feeling shy, a group conversation will keep going. The challenge becomes contributing enough. They can continually shift back and forth between a true group discussion, where everyone is talking together, and several smaller subconversations. This chapter tells you what you need to know to handle group conversations.

It lists some ways to join group discussions, be more talkative in them, and hold your own and not get too annoyed when they get more hectic and energetic. Try to read how open the group is to being approached see Chapter If a group is standing way off to the side, is formed in a tight circle, and seems to be having an intense, private conversation, it may be best to leave them alone.

They might turn away from you or tighten their circle to box you out. At that point, you can quietly move on. Either way, once you pick up on a chance to add something relevant, you can jump in with your contribution and then be part of the discussion. Make sure you wait for a small pause before you interject.

If you strike up a conversation with them, you may be able to transition to speaking to the larger group—they introduce you, they turn their attention back to the larger conversation, and they carry you along; or the group notices you talking to their friend, and then you introduce yourself.

Respect that they want to talk to the group. Join the conversation by way of an activity Activities can be used to start both one-on-one and group conversations. Parties often have group activities going on, like games of one kind or another.

In pubs you can find pool, darts, Foosball, and maybe an arcade machine or two. You can easily get a conversation going by joining in and chatting with the other players. However, you could also open with a typical conversation-starting question or statement. So if there are four people in the group, you should talk roughly a quarter of the time.

What you really want to avoid is being silent for long stretches. Many social circles have members who are on the quiet side and whom everyone likes just fine. It will not give vague answers like most social articles out there do. This book comes with direct answers to any social question I have ever had. Most of the information in the book is from the author's website, and it has helped transform me from an awkward, quiet, anxious person into someone who is comfortable conversing with anyone and who can easily make friends.

I mostly bought this book to support the author and say thanks. The information has changed my life and can change yours too. An excellent book By goo5reader Well written, comprehensive and coherent. Clearly the author put a lot of thought into writing this book! Posting Komentar. Senin, 23 Maret [B Most helpful customer reviews 15 of 15 people found the following review helpful.

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